i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize
