we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
