Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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