I think i peed on brittanys purse
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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