If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
