I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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