We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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