i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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