I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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