i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
