before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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