The best revenge is premature balding
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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