What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize