im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
