Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
