ugly people sure do ruin things
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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