I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
