smell my finger.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
