This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
How does one acquire holy water?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
