I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Randomize
