ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
