I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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