i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
