I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
