I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
