I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
