get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
