Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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