i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
