Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
