We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
they're like a gay fantastic four
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
