What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
