I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
