Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
sarcasm needs its own font
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
