New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
