Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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