theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
