Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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