I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
