You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
