who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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