I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
