Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
