hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
