your parents love me but you hate me
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
