OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
