$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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