We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
