Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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