theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
So vagazzling was a success
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
