The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
