I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
