Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I looked at my own cervix.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
