I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
