Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
