i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
We have started to decorate penises.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
