u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
