He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
