New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
do nipples grow back?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
