five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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