dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
