I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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