I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
