i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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