You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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