I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize