3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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